Finance

So right now I am currently in Finance Academy. (: don't tell! So like I'm trying to avoid people who give off a bad vibe. I don't like it but just encountering with them makes my day go bad. I'm starting to get more patient with people because SO MANY PEOPLE ask me for help. And I just wish they'd think for themselves. If you know what I mean. I'm just going to go ahead and believe that none--are me. Youre not going to change who I am just for you. If you know--then fine; so be it. You don't have to act like youre all superior. AND AS FOR THE OTHER YOU; f*ck you--sorry for dropping the F-bomb, but seriously. Playing with people. I can't even look at you. And then yeah. I don't want to even SPEAK or THINK about that. I really find no use in that. Whatever it's cool; it's not like I see you or anything. Ha. I think that's a bit of a contradiction. which I've avoided & I think you should too. Okay time for apes!

Me?``

Gosh I really hope it's me he's talking about there. OR he could be like those other doo doo brained guys and be quoting a song...eck. I saw him today and he's breaking out ): well not really, but his pores are showing. ROFL I know--I notice the tiniest details. He has precal right after me! I love how he like stops me in front of everyone and then talks to me in front of everyone and has his hand engulfed around my upper arm. hehee just talking about it makes the temperature go up. For real. MAN THAT OTHER GIRL CAN FCKNG HAVE APPLE. Shooot. haha back to Tree. My matching backpack buddy. ahahah. Just talking to him for A MINUTE could change the outcome of my day, I find. Like no kidding! He's a good mood changer. Sighhhh too bad he's a flirt. Too bad I don't know if he's like this to other girls. And too bad I am always paranoid about this kinda stuff. Goodnight.

Things I'm most afraid about``

I have no classes with Tree. Only classes which we have different periods in. Same teacher. I guess fate called upon this. BUT I'm afraid that if we don't have the same period..we will run out of things to say and everything will be gone. That scares me big time. Not only because I like him, because he is a really good friend. I see him after 3rd (: and sometimes 6th. I'm going to miss him...but I guess fate wanted this so I can FOCUS on school like I should be doing now (x hahha sad part is--he KNOWS I miss having class with him. BET HE DOES TOO, Mr. Big Ego.

Yehehehee (:

lol, I need to S T O P worrying what-the-heck those maniacs out there think of me!!!! youtube supporters help (; forreal; so tomorrow I have to do a speech and I think that's the best way! not like I haven't done them before...buut I can remind myself. I should be studying/doing hw ahead of time for apes!!! laaave!

Going my own way``

It's so pretty outside I'm not even kidding! like the sky is the PRETTIEST blue ever (: . It's not as HOT as yesterday! but that's ok. haha I'm wearing a dress today cause I have to go to my friends' sweet 16s tonight @Buca di Beppo! haha I love those two girlies! Anyways my mom was like 'oh wow youre wearing a dress finally! you have so many of them, and now youre wearing one! why didn't your sister get one of these??' lol I just started laughing cause like I don't think my sister would have so many chances to wear it YET. School wise--um, teachers have been giving me INSANE amounts of work! Like no joke. Tomorrow, I'm getting a new phone so I don't know how I'ma squeeze it in. Pull an allnighter?? Cause APES..well I've studied today at work rofl and my coworkers were like O.o cause i was being cheap and decided to print off the maps here (: and yeah so I studied here at work cause my other partner wasn't here so I have to pick up the slack. I did all the work I had to do at work then I studied (: SPRING SALAD @BOUDIN BAKERY IS GOOOOOD! Don't eat the bread cause there're too many carbs! PS: readers``lets see if this resolves anything! we'll keep this up.

Classes I dislike ALREADY.

I walked into a world full of fame and fortune..... Yeah that's basically how I'm feeling right now! (the quote) I forgot to turn on my alarm clock...so I was mthaeffing late to 1st period...Chinese. Gosh, that teacher--I've had her last year for FIRST period too. But now, she embarasses me in front of the class. Oh! I sit in front of Rock...but this other guy who sat behind Tree NOW sits next to me > <. I don't like this ONE bit. Hate it. Really. This class is FULL of seniors. Theres only like 3-5 juniors..I sometimes ask myself why the eff did I skip Chinese 1/2. Ohwell. I know I'll do fine in this class cause I've been learning Mandarin since like I was 4? So I'm fluent now (x hehee sounds good to say it! Just one problem...which I hope will be resolved is that I will get there ON TIME! that's my goal. Another class I may have trouble with is PreCal. Not cause of the people; I LOVE THE PEOPLE. It's the teacher...and the subject within itself. Man. I'ma have a hard time. She grades pretty hard and is a 'wannabe' of another teacher lol reminds me of a few things which I won't mention! I'm so proud of myself cause I finished hella things that were due next week or the end of the week already! Like studying O M GOSH. I wouldve NEVER done this last year..but this year is the year that MATTERS. So yeahh Goodnightxxxx

Can I tell you?

OHH MAN. High school, for me, seems to just keep getting better and better as we get along! And sooner or later it'll be gone....): BUT OMFG! I love every class and every one in my class. Buut there's this scary girl whose kinda scaring me...cause i have history with her AGAIN for 4th period AGAIN. HOPEFULLY I don't sit near her ( i know this sounds mean..) by the time the teacher has a seating arrangement. My teachers actually gave out some homework..pfft. Whatever. I'm done--which is why I'm blogging! SOOO, I've gotta tell you guys something. Someone stole my heart away, and I really mean it. Like everytime I breathe--I feel as something is missing (: Ive chosen (fINALLY) out of the two. I have decided to pursue with...Tree. I think I've made a good decision NOT ONLY DID HE SHOW HE CARED FOR ME, but it's just one of those things..I can't explain it. The other one...I barely feel a thing. Like nada. I'll stop there!

HOLY MTHAFCKA

OHMYGAUD; MR.IHAVENOMEMORIESOFUS actually remembered something! He remembered that he has walked me to homeroom before...(: thatd made my day. I went WAY OVER my txts just cause of him. Ahhh School tomorrow

Rollercoaster, a bit burnt, baad tanline.

ughhh so like my head still feels like it's on a rollercoaster and it's spinningg and when I tried sleeping in the car~I felt like I was on the ride D: yeaah buut I just took a looonng HOT shower so I'm goood (: hahaa so I went to sixflags today with my cousins and my uncle and he paid for our tickets and our food (; WE WENT ON ALL THE MTHAFCKING RIDES; which explains the dizzy in my head. went on Medusa and that Tanzanian devil thing TWICE bleep. Went on V2!! Soo fun! and and Kong Boomerang um haha Cobra Roar White Water Rafting took a bunch of pictures; got yelled at for taking a picture of the 'ride picture' which shows up on the screen. What a loser...buut I helllla wanted to take a picture of the 2nd medusa ride! but I was like..whatever. (: SCHOOL SHOPPING IN TWO DAAYS! and then school--man I haven't been excited for school since umm middle school?? I'm excited cause Ima be an upperclassmen not that I didn't like being a lowerclassmen but NOW people look up to me & I have to set up a good example (: I skipped Jumpstart all for this! and ti was well worthit! Haha I just took a look on my 'Fall Fashion' video on youtube and yesterday it had like 6 views?? today it has 225! For me; that's a lot considering I'm not well known on youtube hehee THANKS GUYS!! hmm I ate a Yoplait<3 mixed berry and I'm gonna TRY and upload my pics now! ACK bad decision in wearing gladiator sandals with the sun out...I got a FIERE tan line. TATA! Have a good FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!! Goodluck

Let me tell you something

I'll probably be like a torn sticknote & disappear from your life I've been watching too many chinese dramas (x Fated to Love You is a good one. buut I don't think I'm anywhere NEAR 'fate' yet! hahaa Soo..I am really disappointed in the 'him' I thought I loved just soo irresposible. Everything IS going to change this year~for the better. I cant'w ait because all those little -distractions- will be gone. I think I M A Y have found the one~BUT; I don't want to rush to conclusions. haha this is a TOTALLY different one! We have soo many similarities it's not even funny! We even have class together WHATEVER I'm going to SixFlags with my uncle and cousins tomorrow! thenn on Saturday I'm going back to school shopping. THEN...school starts blaaap. &thenn the 30th my family and I get new phones! lol I haven't even had mine for a year yet! Twitter with me? http://twitter.com/denglouise PROMISE THAT I'LL NEVER ACT LIKE FATE WON'T KNOCK ON MY DOOR, LIKE I DON'T LOVE THEM BUT I DO SO I'LL SHOW IT, I'LL DO MY BEST IN SCHOOL WITH NO DISTRACTIONS, TAKE THOE DISTRACTIONS AWAY FROM ME PLEASE, FATE!!!

Come again?

A few days ago, my friends came over to hang and chill at my place (: . Feels so good to say that! Anyways---my bestfreind---she's quite outspoken. The 'sprite' of the bunch, you could say. I don't know..I know she doesn't mean harm when she speaks what she does cause she says things -at times- without thinking about how it may hurt someone's feelings. I've confronted to her about this...and she BLEW UP. Not even joking. We've had all these ups and downs tons and tons of times. Which is why, I try and be the BIGGER person and not mention or say anything about it. No, not like a wallflower but just kinda viewing the circumstances. My dog really likes biting people's socks. He thinks it's a game. So I tell everyone to kindly take off their socks...in honor of my dog and so that they don't get holes in their socks. She came a bit later but I did tell her not to wear them. She took one off to play with my dog. And like there was a little bit of dog hair on it. OBVIOUSLY because the dog was swarming her. DUH? Dog's tend to shed...and everyone's like WHOA and then she goes "Yeah it's all from here"..and I go =__= REALLY? did you just say that? I mean COME ON, I vacuumed the place AND you stepped outside!! I was pretty damn pissed. And then this was my first time serving people outside in my dining room and she was like "Do you just leave all these things here?" Cause like I had bread and a few chinese candies on the dning table. AND WE WERE EATING I left them out there so that people could take what they liked...I just felt like all that hard work I had put in to make that day perfect went awry. ): it tore my insides apart. Like I don't mind if you make fun of all my camera whoring on my computer and anything you know. but like really? Your house is RUGGED and you have cleaning ladies come in and help you clean the hardwood floor so OBVIOUSLY you have no idea how hard it is to clean!

Proof: I observed something very peculiar about you, dearest. While I was inside the kitchen setting up the spaghetti for everyone, I could hear every word that came out of everyone's mouths. Cause the kitchen is right next to the dining room...(: so yeah Everyone was like "oh Louise your house is so decorated, so Asian, so many Asian decorations!" and then you said "yeah!" and then people were like "omg! I have that in my house too" and you were like "yeah same here! it's like those Asian things...my grandma has that" whatever...that statment you said TOTALLY ruined you because you said that Y O U had it and then you say that your grandma had it...lol and my guests were eating you up like crazy and pointing that out. Not that I ever wanted that to happen ok? And then you tried covering yourself by saying that you said that it's the same if your grandma has it..and it's yours or what not. BUT IT'S NOT cause your mah mah don't live with you! Thanks guests were beefing that up (:<3>

Okay I know I sound a bit devilish but like seriously. It's not cause I don't have the guts. BELIEVE me I do, i have a brutal past where if I say one thing or comment on one thing with you--everything in the world EXPLODES. I don't know how to put it! Our friendship is just so complicated! Like you say that you agree with me but I see it in your eyes that you DON'T. and your mouth is like begging to laugh! I can read people pretty damn easily and no fake ass people get to me. TRUST ME. I can read 'fake' right off a damn picture. I kinda have that ability and it sometimes scares me. Like I think i have this 'sixth sense' cause. ok. In SAT tutoring...the tutor is talking and my brain is LITERALLY in lalaland. And my head is like automatcially recording every word. And then he asks a question and my mouth blurts out the right one....and I wasn't even THINKING about the problem! OHSHIT right? It's like my head is in 'autopilot' mode (:

Mhm, he told me he loved me (: and it's his birthday today ~ Happy Birthday, Bestie (: I was gonna add something but then if I typed it out..it'd sound hella perverted so I won't. haha

I feel like I let out a bunch of steam and it feels goooood yuum. Working in a week. And my mthaeffing miu miu bag is coming this friday! HAAY! haha omfg. My aunt just sent a louis vuitton trevi bag<3>

Hopefully.

I hope that this school year I will..: a) accomplish all that I need to in order to make myself proud and my parents. (of course!) b) I overcome my fear of how others perceive me. more like a phobia. c) get over my problems (sometimes--i think i have like a rare disorder of some sort which doctors still haven't diagnosed) over NOTHING. like it's like paranoia. BUT BIGGER. d) don't judge someone and always remember to live by this quote "Don't judge a man till you've walked two moons in his Moccasins". How clever! It's an old Indian saying (: e) try m u c h harder! f) be more appreciative--I think i've worked that out pretty well! g) come to a better understanding of myself. h) not not not fall for them again. i) not become something I'm not. just saying! j) ..i'm coldd; i'll continue another time!

Today I.. -Watched some of the 'Pearl Harbor' movie with my parents & left because of the disturbing parts. Mhmm. -attended work and had A LOT of work to do..and it required a whole lot of physical strength too! ya'll have no idea how heavy those files are! -had 'Tomato Bisque' soup from that Soup Kitchen place! (as if you couldn't tell already...I hang at Stones a lot; not that I want to buut that's like right next to where I work. so it's convenient!) -felt as though the whole room was staring at me! Not a good feeling esp if they're strangers! -had a random guy come up to me and ask me what time it was ._. yeah. -picked up the new Elle magazine cause it looked 'interesting' *wastee -had my phone freeze on me right before my dad/sister picked me up. -found out about the 'Evil Eye' theory. -got hyped when I found out my MiuMiu bag got shipped (: -bought a HEATED eyelash curler (IT WORKS REALLY WELL!!) -will TRY to sleep earlier.

Tomorrow I.. -should clean up for my friends coming over on Tuesday..yaah man I gotta clean up 2 days before hand causee I have to show my mother that I can have friends over by having a 'cleaner' house. (x -have to attend an SAT class @ 2 pm -have to attend a violin lesson @ 10:30 am. -REALLY SHOULD THINK ABOUT CLEANING.

Monday I.. -will pick up a visa gift card to buy some crap online (: PROMISE THIS WILL BE THE END!! -C L E A N. U P. -Kumon hw -Kumon

Done! hahaha that felt good! alright toodaloooo

BLAAH.

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately! I just pulled out ALL FOUR of my wisdom teeth on monday & I've been slowly recovering. It was soo painful after the numbness wore off. I have to take 2 types of medications but that isn't too bad. One's a painkiller which takes awaay the pain (obviously) and makes me sleepy. I feel that my cheeks are swollen but it isn't as bad as other people say it is! Mine compared to other peoples...aren't too bad! they actually look 'normal' cause i sleep on ice packs to reduce to swelling hahaha. and my bed is all warm and fuzzy (: so that makes it all better. I find that I get headaches when I'm on the computer like now which sucks cause I wanna stay on longer!

So it was like the first time that any dentist asked what flavor I wanted for my laughing gas (hence the nozzle over my nose) disturbing huh? Well that's all for now! Goodbye!

Once upon a time...we were friends...

...in middleschool. We were actually---all 4 of us---the BEST of the BESTEREST of friends. People actually envied it. I miss it. You can say that. I see all of you guys' pictures up on facebook and it makes me envy that I don't go to school with you guys anymore---after how many years? Like 10. 9 to be exact. And now it's all over. You guys's lives seem so good! Too good to be true..to be exact. Remember ONE thing when you see that your friends or other people's lives SEEM better than yours: the grass always seems greener on the either side. . A very wise saying. Interpretation: You may think that your life 'stinks' or whatever but you don't know how that person's REAL life is like. I for one, have seen all of it unravel. I thought that SOME girls I knew and admired really HAD IT ALL, good grades, boyfriends, bought whatever they wanted. But then you go to their house and you're like WOW this is so great! And then...just when you think it couldn't get anymore perfect...drama with family happens. And you understand why they must put up this veil. I guess you can say I've seen all three of these ladie's veils unraveled. But 'at the time' I could understand and relate and TALK TO THEM about whatever. But now...not so much. It's so awkward. Like I really want to know them again. I wanna know what they're up to. But it seems as though they won't let me in anymore. I don't want to give up. I know I'm not. I guess it's just been...THAT long that we haven't spent time with one another. But when we are together it's like WOW I really miss this. Life is like that---they bring us closer and CLOSER to the ones we are meant to be friends with. We were all split for a reason---those two girlies were put together for a reason---it's just cause fate wanted us to be this way. It MAY lead to something in the future. And I can barely wait for that. But for now, I just have to sit and wait. Be patient. One day...I guess this is what you consider 'normal' when you haven't been in class/school with them for about 3 years now. I will really miss them. I'll always be there for them no matter what. I love them all very much (: TheOriginals, Ohsoawesome7's, &...the 'mean' girls

Changed..

I started subscribing to this girl named 'bubzbeauty' on youtube for a couple of months now. I just watched her True Perception of Beauty video and it was VERY inspiring. One very memorable quote that she stated was, "What makes you think that you can judge someone else, and what makes you think that the other person gives a 'crap' about what you think of them?" I've learned to not hate on anyone just cause of one small thing. Let anyone think what they want of me because it's really my opinion of myself that matters.Try to create a more hate-less world for others. Think of how much courage if one has a 'bold look/unique look'. I'm going to avoid all those who come with 'Drama' or who want it..and I will not talk about ANYONE. Only mentioning the good. I've learned to take the HIGHER route; and keep my head high when others oppose against me. There's no point in hating on anyone because it's such a waste of time. And there's not a worse-er feeling than holding a grudge. I'm not saying that I'm going to let things fly and become naive. NO WAY. IWhat I'm trying to say is that I won't dwell on things tooo long. I will just glimpse at them and if they come back..they come back! LIVE but don't forget. Our straightener came in the mail today (: hoooray! I watched the 'Remembering Michael Jackson' screening ALL DAY, which caused me to stay home D: BUT THAT was so worth it. It shows how we all totaly got way in over our heads about this whole entire thing. RIGHT AFTER his daughter, Paris, spoke a few words...I totally broke down and REFUSED to listen to anymore tabloids. Because if the tabloids claim that MJ was some 'maniac or molester' THAN HOW IN HELL did his children turn out so damn down to earth and charming? Yeaah, that's what I thought. Just this one video changed my views on every celebrity. It must be really hard to live that kind of lifestyle. I admire them for it though; always will. Thanks MichaelJackson; for opening up all the doors.

Independence Day!

Haha; you probably think all of these pictures up on my blog are HELLA random huh? I really liked the lighting with this one (: So bright!

I have this sorta semi-headache right now..and it's ANNOYING. So today...my family and I were supposed to have this BBQ in our backyard ! But...we didn't get it 'planned out' enough so we had to skip it for today....for TOMORROW :D can't wait for that! But it gets better cause my cousins invited us to go to Pacifica and light fireworks with them! We're going down there because it's legal there. So yeaah! I'll include videos/pictures once I get them! lol.

Stay tuned!

Some things you probably didn't know about me...TAG

I just finished some really good takeout (: Thanks, Daddy

Anyways, I just thought I should do an update of little things and details you may or may not know about me..

since the other one is totally on physical appearance & it was really incomplete and I want to fill in those little gaps and get all those negative thoughts you may or may not have of me out of your head. So give me this blog to clear my name.

FIRST OFF, I am under the age of 18 PERIOD. Most of you know that. No need to explain. I act and dress out of my age group..I know. I love it when people take risks when they dress, but I think it's tacky when one follows a specific trend too carefully. Like MIX IT UP! Work with what you've got. I like buying 'classics'..as in things I can still wear when I actually turn 18 haha..yeah. So I tend to buy a tad bit more expensive stuff cause it'll last. Most girls my age will go out and spend all their money and buy 'cheap quality' (NO OFFENSE!) fashionable stuff. Yeah, I'll take one classic thing and mix it up with a BIT of more 'modern' things..I guess. Depends; sorry if this hurts anyone but remember--it's how I feel..you can counter what I think in the comments below (:

Yes I do realize I am a camera whore. I love taking pictures because all of how I look today can be lost by tomorrow. So WHY NOT take all the pictures of your youth now?? You don't stay young forever...I don't like it when someone goes 'NOO, DON'T TAKE PICTURES OF ME!!" hello?? People only want to take pictures with you because you're they're friend in some way right? I don't think it's a beauty contest when people take pictures. It's just really fun! And when people do that for a living! It's pretty awesome. Pictures are a way of remembering how you once were/looked like. Think of it this way (fast and simple) When you're about 50 something and you're kids ask you "Mommy/daddy, how did you look like when you were young??" You won't have much to show them..wouldn't that suck? I sure think it would! If I ever have kids...I have a whole box of CD's filled up to the max of pictures to show them (:

People say I 'know too many people'. I most definitely scoff at that remark because I really don't! I just acquant with them in class over a project or something. And the way I was raised...always say 'hello' to the people you know! You never know! All those gestures and small things you do for someone can lead to something [:

Picky eater---ohmygosh! This one is SO true. I am the pickiest eater on this planet. Crazy cause I'm not skinny whatsoever...so you wouldn't think that huh? Yeah; well let me tell you. I LOVE LOVE LOVE cereal and like bread (: yuum waffles are good too! I don't like Chinese food as much as I used to cause it's usually super oily---I have a REALLY REALLY rare skin condition where if I eat junk food...I get 1-2 hives on my face YEAH. you wouldn't think that because my skins seems to be 'perfect' to some of you. HA-HA. not. I'm also like lol...well I eat more vegetables than I do of meat. I won't eat beef/pork because I can see the fat sticking out...even if it's chicken I just won't eat it. I won't eat fish if there's skin or bones on/in it. If the chicken has skin/bones in/on it, NOPE. yeahh sometimes I even hold the piece of food up to the light to see if I can see any fatty tissue in it -___- mhmm. I know what your'e thinking.

'Perfect' skin? No..my skin is actually REALLy sensitive. If it goes against some food ESP if it's oily...it'll get a hive. Mhmm..especially around my mouth area. I've been taking care of my skin since I was in the 5th grade. So if you see me and I seem to have this 'glow' (which most of my friends claim I have..) welll now you know why I have it. I just don't want to end up like some women who have like age spots and wrinkles at a young age know what I mean? i put sunscreen everyday cause even when it's not sunny--the SUN IS OUT.

'Dot' on side of face..YES, I have a birthmark/mole on the side of my face. It is NOT cancerous---I swear; I've already checked with every doctor in my city. It's just a BIRTHmark. mmhmkay? My mom wanted me to remove it when I was in the 2nd grade--should I have done it? I said no at the time (obviously) cause I had it since I was born and it's been through everything with me...it's like; a part of me. It's like idk..a finger to me? LOL No like...just really important. I don't even notice it. So don't be shy and ask me what it is cause I'd be GLAD to tell you.

"Rich daddy & mommy" HARDY HAR HAR. Everyone who's EVER met/talked to me assumes this of me because I attended a Private school ALL MY LIFE till high school. That's not true at all though. My parents work just as hard, or maybe even harder than yours just to make a living for all FIVE of us. My older sister goes to college so you can just imagine how hard my parents have to work. I know I state that I am 'blessed' in my myspace 'about me', it means that I am 'fortunate' for what I have. Also cause God gave me all this--my life. So yeah! HELL yeah I am blessed to have this life with all of my friends&family who support me! NOT spoiled! NO WAY JOSE. My mother/father don't just buy me whatever I ask for. HAA. That's funny if any of you think that. I seriously EARN all that I have. I have to get the grades they want me to get--in order to get all that I have. I also have a side job---which pays for my shoppingsprees~clothes, electronics, shoes, etc. Basically things I don't really need...(: but yeah! It's the money I earnedd so I can use it however I want.

"SUPERSHOPPER" Yes, I have a problem when it comes to shopping. I remember when I was younger, I would just go out and buy stuff I didn't need at all. Just to prove that I could spend ALL MY MONEy within a day. NOT GOOD. I totally regret all of that because look at our economy! I do love LOVE shopping but who doesn't?? Okay..some people don't because their mother still does it for them but hey! I love choosing out my own things! It makes you feel very independent and that you can do 'little' things for yourself. So yeaah I love shopping, but it's not 'SUPER'.

"Computer addict" Oh yeaah--definitely. I've changed a lot of that though. I only go on if I am SUPER SUPER bored at home or if I just really wanna reconnect with friends and what not. For school too :D But I try and keep my self busy (such as go out and walk around the city, do some sightseeing, take pictures) so I don't have to go on it.

"Believes in fortune cookies/horoscopes even though Christian" Yeaah, I sometimes do because they are SO accurate! Like the magazines I'm subsribed to...like HOLY COW--when the magazine of the month I am born in comes--I read the horoscope and it's DEAD ON right! It's CRAZY. Like it'll say blah blah around this day you'll be hella busy with school work--turns out to be true. And yeah! It's not a daily thing...trust me It's just a recreational thing (: it's pretty fun. But I don't get too worked up into it.

"Bigass house" People who think that I am 'rich/spoiled' quickly assume this of me. They'll go, 'Oh Lo! Can we come over to your house and hang??? I bet it's a bigass house huh??" NO My house is NOT big. It's 2 stories (AVERAGE in this city) with 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bath. 2 car garage. The best part of my house that most people in this city wouldn't think of having would be---In my backyard, I have a pond...YEAH, I effing pond. NOT A SWIMMING POOL* It's filled with Koi and Goldfish and some Blackfishies. It has a tiny little fountain you can turn on. It's nothing fancy. It's just this thing my Dad built when he bought the house. I feel kinda special cause we're the only ones in the neighborhood/zipcode with it (: Well that's what one of those PG&E people said when they came in to do the electricity thing...

"You're HELLA tall, Lo!" UMM..No I am not. My doc says I'm average. Which I soo am. The last time I was with the doctor, she said I was 5'4.5". A few days ago, my sister measured me with a tape measure and it said I was 65 inches AKA 5'5" (: That made me a little happy..but we'll have to ask the doc again to make sure!

"You're skinny/fat" I get mixed feelings on this one topic all the time. I get 'skinny' (scoff**) from my friends. But I think they say this cause they don't want to hurt my feelings? Lol...so here's a mini story. A freshman who was on the swim team with me went up to me when I was wearing short shorts and said, "Lo, you're soo skinny!" LOLOL, and she was like <110>

"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" This is actually a pretty good one. Gets me all the time cause I really don't know why. I'm really concentrated in my school work and what not. I actually don't think I'd have to time to have one. I can't always hang out after school. I don't think my parents would like me have phone calls during the evening (when I do homework...) cause they want me to pay attention to school. A boyfriend, to me, would probably be a big mistake in my opinion because I don't want to hurt someone or rush into something I obviously don't have the time for. But maybe during/after college---I'd LOVE to have one. (: BTW, just to put it out there--in case if you were wondering; I've NEVER EVER in my entire life had a boyfriend.

"Drama queen??" Not anymore I'm not. Yes, I admit that ONCE UPON A TIME, in middle school (6-8) that's what it was all about! Yeah, I didn't even know what I was doing at the time until this one girl called me out and said "STOP TRYING TO START DRAMA" I didn't even know what the word meant! But that's what made me realize that I had to quit it. I have stopped doing that since I started high school. I don't get into fights about 'drama'..I get into fights about misunderstandings...which are usually over things my friends and I talk about ONLINE. Gosh I hate that. So I tend to want to talk about things IN PERSON. Just in case...I really do try my best not to be contradicting. One of my bff's just upfront told me that I like to contradict myself a lot. WHICH IS TRUE, when I am deciphering what I should do or something I am new at...I tend to GO BACK on my opinion and change it. I don't find anything bad but I'd really like to change that cause it's not professional.

"You're hella smart" School is always first when comparing to boys, friends, and whatever. Because THAT is the only thing that will matter in the end. School is gonna get you to college. College is gonna get you to your dream job. Your dream job will make you happy and earn you a living. The end! I need school to get to where I wanna be.

"You seem so close to your parents!" I am close to my parents! I tell my mother just about everything! I can't hide these things. Haha..as for my dad--I think he'd rather just not knwo about girl things. (x I can trust my mom/sisters with just about everything. They understand/try to see where I'm coming from which is what I love most. My parents always attend those back to school night things at school. That way they can meet my teachers and TA's just to see what kind of environment I am in at school. They talk to me about it after too. My parents really care about my education, safety, and what not. All the ins and outs. I guess that's why they wanted me to go to a private school all those years. To get a better education and not to be influenced. To have guidance towards the 'right' way? Well all I know is that I'm super grateful to have my parents BE my parents because I know a lot of my friends/people who's parents don't care about where they are, who they hang out/talk to, and where they end up in life. Hearing about all that just makes me see how much my parents love and care for me.

"Parents are over protective" YES, they sure are! I can only sleepover at certain friends' houses--usually the ones who they have met with their parents before. No hanging out with friends afterschool--unless it's a block day, or if I tell them at least 2 days ahead of time. They've given me, what seems to me.., a lot of freedom. Just this year I finally got my set of keys to my house, I learned how to take the bus home in multiple ways (: I'm so proud of myself but then again some people have been doing this since like the 3rd grade.

"You're such a goody goody--too good to be true!" I am! I'm pretty much as innocent as can be! My gal/guy friends tell me that all the time! I don't do all those drugs, weed, pot, crack, drink, bong, & what not stuff. Nope. I'm totally aware of all that though! So no! People get the word 'innocent' mixed up with other things. Yeaah, it's not mixed up with other things..it just means ONE THING=P U R E to the core. & I'd most certainly have to agree with a friend, who also has done a blog on this, saying that quote "hates when people brag about doing all those bad things" I hate it too. It's nothing to brag about at all. It's not cool. It's just taking another precious moment away from your life.

"You're talented!" Well it depends on how you say this...or when you say this. I've taken A WHOLE BUNCH of classes when I was younger. My mom and dad wanted to keep my sisters and I busy and 'on top of things'. Let me list all of the things I've ever taken: Ballet (good times), Art (still can't draw that well), Swimming (Still love it), Personal Trainer (-__-), SAT (helps), Kumon (yup), BrainChild(dislike), Star Learning (NEVER EVER GO THERE, there will be a story for that later on), Piano(glad I took those), Violin(<3),>

"You're pretty strong" Not as in muscle strength! haha..My friends love making fun--sometimes at me. I never seem to mind cause I grew up with sisters who do this on a daily basis! But deep deep down--once you really get to know me. I'm really sensitive! Like no lie!

"Calm" Yeahh, I am cause I really just wait for the outcome. I don't want to jump up with conclusions and end up wrong. So I've learned to really try and be patient with things. Just kinda go with the flow. But I still love tradition (: Change is sometimes good.

"You're PERFECT, Louise" ROFL, THIS IS THE LAST ONE I WILL TALK ABOUT because this is the one I laugh at the MOST! Why? Well..there's also a mini story for this one. I was changing..literally in the lockerroom at Sava Pool when my friend all of a sudden goes "Louise, you're PERFECT" and I'm like in the middle of changing....hhaa. My favorite. Cause I was blushing like crazy. Noooo she's not bi or gay! okay?? She's got a boyfriend already! So relaax. She's been saying crazy stuff like that the day I met her!

To respond to this; NO, I am not perfect. But I do STRIVE to be! That's the point of living! To be the BEST you can be! So that's what I live by. I really dont' think that you can say that someone is 'perfect' just by judging them on their physical appearance/or who they seem to be. You have to really get to know their personality and where they come from and what not to understand.

SO YEAH--that's all the things I oculd come up with! I wanna do another one of these cause it feels so good!

Strangefact: I'm SUPER OCD about where some of my things are in my room/bathroom. Like certain things must be in a certain basket/area OR ELSE I will go CRAZY and search till the dawn of day--till I find it. I swear; I won't go to sleep. I hardly lose things so that's probably one reason why. I'm REALLY organized..lol here's an example. I have a whole much of electronics...I have a container where ALL those chargers go--separating ones for phones, to those for ipods, and cameras blah blah balh (: YEAH I know right? One day I'll show you guys my room (if you never saw it) and yyou will see! If you ever come into my room w/o telling me beforehand...you'll see a lot of clothes thrown across the beds (except mine) cause my little sister loves making messes she doesn't even use her closet...so yeah I'm trying to get her to organize more! but yeah! Thanks for reading (:

Lesson Learned

So yesterday night, I was being a little myspace whore and just reading some about me's and what not. It's funny, but I feel really enlightened. I was reading this one girls (don't want to mention any names) but I really admire her about me. It speaks a lot of her and what she's learned to do and not to do. Even though she's a year younger than me, she seems like she has already grown up---faster than her older sister it seems.

Everyone always tells me that I am very mature for my age---and say that I don't look like my age. Hmm. I find this as a compliment not as an insult really. I learned from her that WOW I don't know how to explain this but like you know when you talk to a friend about a friend? It's starting stuff that you probably don't want. I didn't know that. I'm really trying not to do that but I think that people talk about people because they are bored and they don't have anything else to talk about in their conversation.

I really thank her for 'teaching me' so much. She inspires me to be a better person and strive to live a healthier relationship with everyone. It's not just knowing people---it's also about caring for each one of them and their feelings. I know. I'll probably be less fun to talk to and what not. But if this makes me a better person and helps another person become a better self then HEY! Why not?! (:

So I just wanted to THANK YOU. If you were to ever need anyone else to talk to, You can talk to me. Promise.

Competition

My mom once told me that out of all three of us (daughters), I am the closest towards her. Random I know. I've kinda always kept things to myself. That's just the way I was raised. 'If you see someone doing something bad on the street, don't look at them, point at them, just walk away' So yeah. People usually see this as an 'advantage' of some sort to get through to me..but it doesn't work cause I know those tricks all too well. I wouldn't quite categorize myself as the quiet type either cause I totally speak up for myself & for the ones I care for. Also for the people whom I believe are right---even if they are random. Not quite outspoken either. I know when to like 'stop' at a certain point in conversations--like people who just do NOT want to talk to you. On aim, myspace, facebook, youtube, blogs, EVERYTHING---I respond fairly quickly. Not to brag but I do. And sometimes--like I'm not trying to suggest anything and what not but like some people, who probably don't like me/ hate me/ for odd reasons, just respond with like this 'mean' way idk how to descibe it! but that's just how I feel and it makes me sad cause I feel like we were good friends at one point---got reunited--and then found me annoying? is that possible?? I don't know. It just makes me really sad cause they seem like such a NICE person through pictures and stuff but when you actually talk to them it's like WTF..i dont' think I deserve to be treated that way but then again I don't want to be a bother & I don't enjoy talking to those who don't wish to talk to me. I really don't like the the 'ice breaker' where you haven't talked to someone in a while and go 'soo how's it been going' and that person is like busy or doesn't want to talk to you. You know that feeling? I don't wanna like stop talking to them in general. ): Saddens me. I am a person who loves to be friends with EVERYONE. It's just this trait I have. I know some people find that annoying cause everytime I walk down the hallway...I always say HI to everyone I know/met OR someone I know/met says hi back to me and all those HI's and Bye's make up the majority of my day. Hopefully one day I can clear things up. I wish I can just say "I wish things would be the way I want them to be" and they would! But that's like summoning the sky and earth to collide with one another...aka IMPOSSIBLE. I tend to blog a LOT. Sorry. But blogging is quite fun. I like how my Bestie always stays somehow in contact with me. I think it's real cute when he comes up with the funniest things to say and they just make up my day. Like everytime (: I love him very much. And I hope he knows that by now w/o me saying it. Next time the opputunity comes up, I will tell him. Just wait and see & of course you guys will the first to know about it ;) Niightxoxo

I've been---Idle

Perhaps I'm just playing a game with myself here. IDK. Or maybe he's just playing around with me? He tells me all the bad things he does because...that's the agreement we made. I can't wear certain shoes and I was like 'told on' by one of his friends and he told him* and he talked to me. He finally imed me yesterday...informing me that he drunk and that it was 'fun'. ): I don't like seeing him do all these things because it just makes me wonder even more if he really means everything he says to me. like I don't know....'love you'? Well, even if you don't mean it or if you TRULY mean it. Here's my reply to you, bestie---i love you...(too). I don't love you as a friend cause love, to me, is a pretty big word. If I ever told anyone I 'loved' them--it's because I truly meant it at the moment or because well...we have that special bond. We have both---a special bond and momentS. So no; I don't love you as a friend. I love you as a bestie. Nothing you do will ever change that. Ever.

Am I forgotten?

I feel as though my 'bestfriend' has forgotten about me. We don't talk. We haven't spoken since last Tuesday...I admit we've had a weird friendship since the start. Maybe that was a sign....but I was being naive & just ignored it. Is this still considered a friendship labeled 'Bffl'? I just came back from vacation with my family & maan...I managed to get my parents to call me 'fat' over the last 3 days...perhaps I am fat. I have gotten 'fatter' but still...I don't think I deserve to be called that. I know that they just say that because they care about me, but it's really hard. My parents are Asian. They don't understand metabolism. Mine's is slower than my sisters. They buy all these fattty foods. and well...when i can't find anything to eat that's healthy...there's fatty food. Well now, finally, they've done something about it. I know I'll lose some soon, & I'm trying hard.

Haha..soo I'm going to sound like a retard buut....I've fell in love with ANOTHER camera...I can't tell you which one cause it's superr like uberly rare and it's hard to get your hands on. x) i know I just got a new camera like 2 months ago and that's like the top of the line for the Sony Shoot/Capture/Slim category BUTT the one I saw was like OUT OF THIS WORLD 'cool' like forreal. It's the awesomest camera. You can see yourself, it's waterproof, videocamera, and camera. The megapixels aren't as high as I would like them to be...I'm saving my job money up for sure now! Cause I've gotten even more nailpolish, and clothes soo I"m good...for now ;). My sister is going to her Washington DC trip so if I get this I'm sure she'll love it for her trip..cause her camera suckss sooo bad. bleh I feel greedy but HEY! it's WATERPROOF! Never had a waterproof one before! Where I live, it's profoundly known to rain Heavy, and I like swimming soo why not??!! Agreed?

Should've said it back.

Soo...he told me he loved me. But I've been told that he says that to many other girls too...so I didn't say anything like "ILOVEYOUTOO" shiit. I'm pretty paranoid right now. yeaah. But whatever. I HOPE. duude, I saw his friend at the maall. So theen like I made a deal with him about not wearing flipflops/flats/uggs if he would only do his 'stuff' only once a week...I wore gladiators today - http://www.zappos.com/images/746/7461811/9994-737453-d.jpg except in white. Yeah..he told apple that i wore FLIP FLOPS when clearly they were GLADIATORS* know your shoes! 17th=MINI vaca to SLO! aka San Luis Obispo, I'll probably be spending time @ their VictoriaSecret & AF :D

I'll post more details on that soon! (: I'm glad it's summer FINALLY!

Deal or No Deal

BLEH; I skipped like half of class with him #1 today. Yeah; I know right? I'm not gonna sit here and start feeding you bs on how he "forced me to go with him" because that wasn't the case at all. He suggested the idea, I dared him to and I ended up doing it. See? Friends don't leave friends behind ;) That's like BUDDY RULE #1. Yesterday was a MAGNIFICENT DAY; with the both of them. My little hoes (: <3.> Did I ever tell you that hoe#2 saved my life?! well he did! BIG time; so he and I were walking out of chinese and then brian and twin guy was wrestling or whatever and brian was gonna crash and collide into me so i put his hand on his back to kinda remind him that i'm behind him so he won't crash into me and then hoee2 puts his hand on my shoulder and puts his other hand out on brian's back COLLECTIVE AWWWW* (: yeahhh i love my hoes And today when I did a bad thing, we skipped class right? well we sat in the courtyard and threw rocks into the garbage bins...all for 20 minutes. I didn't feel anything at all. He's really more of a frend now. OHWELL I still love him. I still care for him. That'swhy we have that promise I can't wear uggs (sad face), flipflops, or flats & can only wear skinny jeans throughout highschool...i dont' even wear flared ones anymore. and he can only do it once a week and twice in the summer. Don't wanna spill tooo much butt yeah!

Friends with Benefits?

I'm known to have A LOT of "brothers"...and well I've recently gotten a 'Twin' who happens to be a guy...who my friend used to like...It feels wrong because he always flirts with me in chem class. Soo Yeah. I don't know. I try not to flirt back but it's really tempting. He always seems to 'touch' me though...and that just kinda is weirdd. I seem to have a lot of guy friends with benefits What does benefits mean to you? To me; the word benefits in the prase 'friends with benefits' means that you can hug them or like maybe hold hands with them? I don't know..if you get that far. I sorta feel that friends with benefits also means that you guys are kind of interested in each other. in some wayy...So yeah. I think I'm finally over them guys! :D All that bs before...haha sorry you guys had to read that stuff. I didn't even have space to write about myself! Well now I do! I was feeling a bit sick this morning due to the NASTY ASS weather on friday..I caught a cold cause I didn't wear a jackett. So yeahh I feel SO much better! I'm gonna wear the shirt Candice got me for my birthday; I seem to only wear that shirt on really niice days. I heard that it'll be eighty degrees tomorrow buugg eyes.

I love you so much that it consumes me..

I never want to leave your side again. We're just friends & that may just be all that we will ever be. I've learned that I'm okay with that. I can't MAKE you love me back. But I want to be there with you and for you during this rough time. You are going through a lot. And I'll be the one to say "I'll Stand by You" I hope you'll say the same. You need me the most right now---and me being selfish isn't going to do any favors for the both of us. I just want you to be happy. Like today! I hope whatever we talked about in class helped you out. While we were passing notes; I confessed to you that I am worried about you and that I care for you because you are my friend.. You wrote a letter to me=______= I can't stay mad. I can't--not at you at least. This year has felt like a sail boat....as soon as it sails away---all my worries and fears will sail along with it. I'm happy. I'm content. I'm fine. You draw pretty well I must say! AND YOUR HANDWRITING! Maan, it's seriously improved since last year...haha You treat me different now. Like seriously....when I didn't see you in class when I walked in I thought to myself..."man I must've said something that must've offended him..." and then you like gave me a heart attack when you walked in. I was actually quite shocked. I thought that maybe you didn't want to face reality again...And then you pull my desk next to yours & I insisted that I could just pull it over myself..but instead; you keep pulling me closer and closer to you...(simile?) Sorry if I was mean when I said that you could keep your gum for yourself after you were done eating...(: it's just that your friend has hella bad aim and threw it on the ground....so I didn't want it anymore. DAMN; I forgot the notes in my locker D: ugh. BUT HEEY! THREE DAY WEEKEND; I can't really complain can I ??

Monday: Shopping with Winn&Momm. We haven't done this since Christmas (: I have helllllla shit to do so I may not blog for a whiile ): Hopefully this will be sufficient! I promise I'll make it up once I'm baack.

I hope...

I hope he'll get better. I'm glad he isn't drugged during school. I'm glad he actually wants to talk to me about this stuff.

FUCK you.

"And it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you..."

So today I found out that you do some pretty sick shit. Like no lie, I could not believe that you even would do that. I fell for the wrong you. No wonder...What's worse, finding out your friend does illlegal stuff OR finding out you fell for a guy with a Fixed personality...?

Thanks...for nothing. All those memories I remember having with you were actually with a guy who doesn't exist and was too good to be true. I should've known-but I was naive. I really thought I was going to faint when she answered all my questions..like my world felt like it was crashing. My heart felt like it was ripped from me and then tore and then stepped all over on....I feel like shit. like I have this hole in my chest. It hurts too much. Like, I can't even look at you the same. Chyeah right....quitting by the 31st?! WHY on earth would you make promises you KNOW you can't keep?? Yeah, I felt bad for you when she yelled at you but lol..i don't anymore. She had every right to. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I gotta get my life back on track, the way it WAS. Everyone thought that you WERE supposedly the one -- more like the one that would destroy me. I don't care what you do anymore. FOR ALL I CARE, why don't you NOT come to class and NOT flick me and NOT hug me and just stop talking to me. You make things harder as it is. Whatever, life is empty as of now.

Traditional.

So I'm just about over all that load of shit I fed you guys yesterday (: . I change my moods really quickly. My friends are pressuring me to break a tradition with my LoVeee. I know I just met her and I know our tradition isn't really a tradition...but we are trying to keep it as one! Our tradition is to skip the LAST day of school, for every year of high school, meet up at school, see a teacher waave to let them know we are leaving (:, and then head to DownTown and shop and talk ALL DAY. That's our plan...but people want to have a picnic..which I don't want to attend cause it ssounds boring as fuck. There's like no fire. I also don't want to go because I think they're up to no good--I'm not really talking this guy , rabbit*, and they've already tried to get me and him to meet up and force us to talk. Good thing I was busy that day!! :D And I'm scared that a friend of mine might like him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings and tell him I don't like him back..but anyways! So I'm guessing we will break tradition...and head to the picnic. fawk man.

So omfg. TREEE. He drew a heart on his birthday in my homework notebook..wtf?! Doode, so like I wanted him to go to my locker with me before the homeroom meetng (pretty good speeches!) and yeahh he took my water bottle....again =______=started 'jizzing' people off in the hallways...and then like when we walked out of the classroom brian and edward were 'wrestling' around the hall way and brian was about to crash into me and i put my hand on brian's back to let him know i'm there and then tree puts his hand on my shoulder and puts his hand out for me :D (collective awwww*) and yeahh he was going to sit with me but i just walked away like a jerk...and so he sat with his friend. poop.

and thennn Apple like totally crashes into me in the hallway, on purpose. So then afterschool, I rode the L with him...lol an when it came to his stop...the doors didn't open :P so he had to walk helllaaa. poopoo. MY TWIN, was like making me piggyback ride and then HE carried ME :O he's pretty light...and he kept hugging and touching me. It's not like I have feelings for him but we ARE brother & sister*.

Landaa, my chem teacher, promised us a field trip to the academy of sciences next wednesday! That's so not like her!!

Event-FULL day!

Fawkk; N O W it turns sunny?!

Soo this morning...Tree walked into class a bit laate, and since our seats were arranged into "tables", my back was facing the door--and he hugged like my 'neck' ? O.o. Mhmm. I know. So like then--we both have our homerooms on the 3rd floor and he started talking about "holes in our pants"....from my HUGE waterbottle to that topic...PERVERT. (hao se) I know. So I kept insisting that girls had 'two' and he said 'three'...and he was right cause I was being a dumbass. He held my book for me and took it up those 6 flights of stairs :D . Pluuss, he held my 'huge' waterbottle..

He's fun to flirt with, but we'll just see how far that will last. right?

On to Apple...ugh. WE HAD OUR PRESENTATION! & Russell seemed to like it! :D fuck him and his fucking bad habits, which he won't telll me what they are. BUT, how am I supposed to help him if he won't let me?! Let her* help you...can you do that? Cause I swore to myself that after this project was over, I'd let you go and fly. BUT YOU WON'T LET GO. You just keep pushing harder and harder to the fact where I'm crammed between two..like now. FCUK YOU, because you can drive before I can, and fck you for all the shit you made me go through & fcki you for polluting my mind with the idea that there may be a chance. MAY be. You know today, wen I walking towards the doors with Henley & he asked me where Whoreman was, I turned back to see if HE* was there and you were looking at me dead in the eye. LIKE, seriously?!

I like talking about Tree better :D. After chem, I see samson, my sea man*, and I say "SAMSON!" and tree looks at me lol..and I just go Hi Branden. and he says hi back. He seemed kinda pissed xD butt ohwell. I didn't even see him!.

It's hard when your heart is like a splitend, it goes out in two+ directions, making it harder to choose which side you should pull towards .

So some freshmangirl got some hate for me. And all I have to say is FCK you too! Just jealous* over what you and your "bff" have?! I thought you would totally understand! She and I just totally clicked and ther's nothing to hate about that (: In fact, you should be happy for your friend and tell her that you're glad she's making some friends--especially older ones! I can't deal with your BS, and if you can't take me being there when you're there, just fcking WALK AWAY cause I'm not going ANYWHERE, hunn.

haha...and there's this MERCY girl who wants to "beat me up" jsut cause i made my LoVee cry...like seriously?! EVERYONE CRIES WHEN THEY HAVE FIGHTS WITH THEIR BFF! Shiiit, and now I'm the bad guy? SHE makes me cry too! You dont see me tellling other people about our shit, my lovee. It's between you and I. And maybe it's too hard for you to hold it all in? Haha. Funny, cause when you're around me you seem to hold it all in just fine. So waht?! You found out about duckie's drinking problems---WHO GIVES A SHIT?! I found out MONTHS ago! She quit and she was just probably having a light drink with friends. You don't even know the FUCKING STORY and ya gonna go spread shit to the girl who wants to beat me? Dree wouldn't want that and you know it! She doesn't want that bitch fucking with her life problems. It's not even your story to tell! So just stay out of it. You know she's different and you know she's probably not going to be the way she was--so JUST LET IT ALL GO and just enjoy the limited times you have with her--like I did today. Don't take alll this shit for granted. I would LOVE to see your friend actually have the courage to beat me up. Her size dont' intimidate one fucking bit. In fact--I'm like a good 3-4 inches taller; she wider. I don't give a shit. If she were actually going to pound me, well -- Karma's a bitch. I don't think I deserve to get hit just for making someone cry...over OUR business. You must really not have a life since you like beating people up :D Which is fine by me, cause I don't hate you or like you I just go with the flow. But youu-have to take it out with physical movements. Maybe it makes you feel superior? I don't know. But hey! The shiit you hear from her, just may be as fake as the real her is. So hold your breath and make sure that it's all true before you regret. I think that you, my lovee, care way too much. It's really her life now--and you can't control it for her. Yeahh, you're trying to be the 'good' friend. I get it. But it's not going to work. I'm just saying. We've drifted apart SO much. I don't even know why I love you, but I do. And it pisses me off because you got a bitch hating on me for your past hate for me. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH, cause SHE'S the one with the problems and she's the one you should stp talking to.

Man I let out a lot. (:

Thanks for listening to my bullshit <3

Hate.

Haha; this quote is totally like written for me (:

JV Girl's quote: (did I write this already?) Chance made us friends but...time made us sisters.

So like. He used the B I G "h" word with me yesterday night. And I was SO hungover it. But again, I was being retarded. It was Tree's Birthday today! Haha...his friends gave him "princess & Hannah Montana" Balloons; how cuute! His aim status was "this is the life" rofl...ironic.

Apple&my presentation is tmrw...and he said he wanted to CUT FUCKING CLASS! shit. I was going to scream. This project is more than half of our final grade...

Funny cause, he wanted me to write HIS notecards FOR him so I was like umm no. And he was like "I know you love me" and I told him "well you Hate me" and he just started shaking is head. I KNOW, HE'S PROBABLY USING ME. But when I'm with him--I'm happy and I feel like I have something to live for. He's the reason I look forward to school and look forward to seeing. It probably WON'T workout but I'll just stay this way--just cause.

Glitterry

I thought that quote over there is pretty good (: ---> So Amanda and I made some really pretty cards as a 'goodbye' gift to our JV Swim girls. I must say--they turned out pretty nice from two un-creative people! We basically spent the whole day together&learned hella about each other & each other's friends, whom we THOUGHT* we knew. It was a really good day cause it was sunny and there was a bit of breeeze. Ohman...the Bay to Breakers was crazy! Naked women AND men =________= My daddy says thatit'll turn into a 'parade' instead of a marathon soon! That sounds so fun, it's like a Halloween in the summer!

So like Amanda and I made plans for the day after we get out of school! We are going to hit up Ocean Ave! lol and as she said "be like the people in LA and wear long summer dresses and wear sunglasses (:" and then we are going to visit that InStyle boutique, Lili Knit, and get acrylics from Jolie! Spa. :D sounds fun huh?

My dad wants a "deck" now...=____= but mommy doesn't. He says that it's for Prince. That's some pretty fucking extravagant gift for a little ass dog ! haha okay PMS!

The start of a love story or the end?

People say that when you like someone, you start acting more shy around them. It's true for the both of us. I guess that's why there are these silences between us when we are together. I like how today (damn I forgot what we said) you leaned in to tell me something, and I leaned in to tell you something. BUT SHIT, that assemly was really something all right.

I guess after this year, you and I will probably be different. I don't know. I really want to go get some shopping done! There's like hella nice knits/tops at my fave store (: so I gotta go there and spend a few. Cause then that would make me feel all better! I need to set up a day for myself to go by myself or with sister. Friends...I can't deal with right now. I don't want someone on my shoulder to keep telling me "that's too expensive" or "man you must be rich" or "why don't you wait?" cause that's just BS. If I like it, I'll get it...sorry. I do like finding sales and good bargains! Don't get me wrong...I was raised that way too! But I chose otherwise. I don't have the patience to sit quietly and wait. (: If I sound "spoiled' or whatever, don't think that. I earn all this hard money on my own. If I took or accepted it from my parents, then maaan I would feel hella guilty.

shit seee what i mean??!! EVERY FUCKING TIME I HAVE MY HEAD SET ON GETTING OVER HIM....HE IMS ME AND MAKES EVERYTHING HARDER....

'If you were mine..'

'I'd be your everything and you'd the only thing that I would ever need If you were mine, I would tell everyone that you are the only on that I could ever want. Everything I dreamed about Everything that I talked about One thing I can't live without I wanna get closer to you Can't stand being far away Knowing that you don't feel the same way watching her bring tears to your eyes. -- All words I sing about All the letters I write about is when I get closer to you I know that there is someone else, but she's only thinking of herself Doesn't make any sense for you to be lonely...I would tell everyone that you are the only one that I could ever want.'

Amanda D. Made me feel so much better today. (: We rode the bus back home--together and I told her all about my day with you and she told me that maybe you are starting to realize that you may feel something for me too. Haha, she told me not to jinx anything, but what the hell....jinxing is bs for all I know. You just have to stay positive!

HE HAS GOT TO BE THE ONE! Like really. I know I sound stupid and childish, but I can't picture myself with anyone else, BUT him. It must be. MUST. Hahaa; you guys ar probably getting bored of what he did to me and what we did so I'll just skip those parts and leave it for my word doc. :D

THREE FUCKING MORE WEEKS OF THIS PLACE and then I can spend the entire summer dwandling around the city with my retsis (: I plan to take her everywher and teach her how to take the bus and whatever. Just give her a taste of freedom. I know I would've killed for that when I was her age @ a private school and with my parents.. I don't think it's fair that she gets so much stress and pressure. Yes, she uses the phone and goes over at times, but WHO HASN'T?? Yes, I think that she's a slut and a big ol' hoe for having two different boyfriends in less than a week...=___= loong story..I really thought that she would follow in my footsteps that I so carefully paved for me. She does loook up to me. But somtimes, I just wished that she would listen a little more and be less free-spirited. My parents wouldn't understand cause to them they see her as the "baby". She IS the youngest, but she isn't a child anymore. She's thirteen! I had to teach her everything. My parents pretty much gave up after putting all their effort on my older siter and I. So I guess that would explain why she is like she is. <3>

An endless flight up a spiral staircase.

Do you have any idea how repetitive this journey has been? It's as it every turn I make, I'll bump into something I've already done again. Especially with you. We can't seem to find another way to communicate. But if we did, what would we talk about? You're so shy and you're not willing to open up. As am I, but I will for you. You seem to be interested in me. But. There's just that one thing that's blocking me. HOW CAN YOU ASK A GIRL FROM ANOTHER SCHOOL TO OUR PROM...which is in a year!!! Like who does that?? That just totally turned off everything for me. Like no lie. It's all coming back to me because I've been through this way too many times. All my friends say I don't deserve to go through this and that you're not good enough. Honestly, I don't think they know me good enough to say that. But then those FEW* say that you and I are compatible. Like who should I listen to? Those who dislike him because they think he's a 'phony' or those who just went to school with him? I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. FUCK, I know I sound like a retard. I know what I should do, BUT I DON'T KNOW, like my heart is telling me NOT to. Listen to my mind or heart? Listen to what's right? or take a risk? Maan am I paranoid or what? lol I'm a bit too old for this. I feel like a child.

Given Up

Remember those times when you would just make me laugh by asking ALL of those questions? I regret thinking that you were annoying and that you were just trying to use me for homework and school purposes. Throughout most of the school year, I thought of you as just a guy from a class I had with last year. Nothing more! But now things have changed. You want me to hang around you, but when you don't want to--you completely shut me out. Like seriously; but hey! It's all good now. I won't have to WASTE MY TIME; blogging and thinking about you anymore huh?

I feel kind of bad because I've been so impatient and 'hormonal' lately. Pmsing basically. I"m just so irritated of like EVERYTHING cause like school and everything is stressing me out. Hopefully everyone understands.

Mother's day is today!! Happy Mu Qing Jie, Mommy! Thanks for putting up with all the BS I've given you for over the 16 years (:<3

Mother's Day Dinner

Work was full of events today! Haha; apparently my coworkers have never before seen 'Asian' shoes. I was wearing a pair that I got like...three years ago?! And to them, it's very 'new'. Lol, China is probably laughing at us right now (: Anyways, I got a black cardigan (finally), but it's a size bigger =____= H&M said that they wouldn't carry anymore..so I got it. And they only had One size so why not? AND THEN, just when I thought I wasn't going to talk with him today---he texts me. Yeahh, I Know. It's not going to work out for another period of time but..I'll try. I lunched at Nordstrom Cafe and there wasn't any seats, except for this one next to a table of four girls (2 young 2 senior) And they were talking about how the two young went to China and how they "used their Chinese" [who says that?] and blah blah blah. Second generation-ers....like seriously? They SPOKE English in China? It's like they WANT to get jacked. I finally realize the importance of a second language a) you can use it in desperate measures b) you WILL NOT seem like a foreigner--therefore you fit in more c) people compliment you on it (: it feels really good! So today my family celebrated Mother's Day early at Tong Gong (Cantonese Palace? It's on Clement) and so my dad wanted to ask me what I'm going to do about my wisdom teeth (gotta pull em out this summer) and I told him in English and then my uncle said "say it in Chinese" and I did and everyone's like 'WOW, LOUISE'S CANTONESE IS SO GOOD!" It made me feel really good (: cause then my cousins and my little sister and older sister don't speak it that well. Apparently I'm 'tall' ? And my grandpa thinks that my hair is pretty hahha he spilled his tea on me. which is okay cause I was planning to wash that jacket this weekend anyways.

Ohh! And I also used my coupon '25 free 4x6 prints' for Ritz! The quality is pretty darn good! Well...the ones that I used with my T90 that is...the rest seemed sorta pixelated? Matte finish or glossy? Cause I got the matte ones...I figured if I wanted to put them in an album, the glossy ones may stick.

That's about it for now! I should get started on hw (: