The start of a love story or the end?

People say that when you like someone, you start acting more shy around them. It's true for the both of us. I guess that's why there are these silences between us when we are together. I like how today (damn I forgot what we said) you leaned in to tell me something, and I leaned in to tell you something. BUT SHIT, that assemly was really something all right.

I guess after this year, you and I will probably be different. I don't know. I really want to go get some shopping done! There's like hella nice knits/tops at my fave store (: so I gotta go there and spend a few. Cause then that would make me feel all better! I need to set up a day for myself to go by myself or with sister. Friends...I can't deal with right now. I don't want someone on my shoulder to keep telling me "that's too expensive" or "man you must be rich" or "why don't you wait?" cause that's just BS. If I like it, I'll get it...sorry. I do like finding sales and good bargains! Don't get me wrong...I was raised that way too! But I chose otherwise. I don't have the patience to sit quietly and wait. (: If I sound "spoiled' or whatever, don't think that. I earn all this hard money on my own. If I took or accepted it from my parents, then maaan I would feel hella guilty.

shit seee what i mean??!! EVERY FUCKING TIME I HAVE MY HEAD SET ON GETTING OVER HIM....HE IMS ME AND MAKES EVERYTHING HARDER....

'If you were mine..'

'I'd be your everything and you'd the only thing that I would ever need If you were mine, I would tell everyone that you are the only on that I could ever want. Everything I dreamed about Everything that I talked about One thing I can't live without I wanna get closer to you Can't stand being far away Knowing that you don't feel the same way watching her bring tears to your eyes. -- All words I sing about All the letters I write about is when I get closer to you I know that there is someone else, but she's only thinking of herself Doesn't make any sense for you to be lonely...I would tell everyone that you are the only one that I could ever want.'

Amanda D. Made me feel so much better today. (: We rode the bus back home--together and I told her all about my day with you and she told me that maybe you are starting to realize that you may feel something for me too. Haha, she told me not to jinx anything, but what the hell....jinxing is bs for all I know. You just have to stay positive!

HE HAS GOT TO BE THE ONE! Like really. I know I sound stupid and childish, but I can't picture myself with anyone else, BUT him. It must be. MUST. Hahaa; you guys ar probably getting bored of what he did to me and what we did so I'll just skip those parts and leave it for my word doc. :D

THREE FUCKING MORE WEEKS OF THIS PLACE and then I can spend the entire summer dwandling around the city with my retsis (: I plan to take her everywher and teach her how to take the bus and whatever. Just give her a taste of freedom. I know I would've killed for that when I was her age @ a private school and with my parents.. I don't think it's fair that she gets so much stress and pressure. Yes, she uses the phone and goes over at times, but WHO HASN'T?? Yes, I think that she's a slut and a big ol' hoe for having two different boyfriends in less than a week...=___= loong story..I really thought that she would follow in my footsteps that I so carefully paved for me. She does loook up to me. But somtimes, I just wished that she would listen a little more and be less free-spirited. My parents wouldn't understand cause to them they see her as the "baby". She IS the youngest, but she isn't a child anymore. She's thirteen! I had to teach her everything. My parents pretty much gave up after putting all their effort on my older siter and I. So I guess that would explain why she is like she is. <3>

An endless flight up a spiral staircase.

Do you have any idea how repetitive this journey has been? It's as it every turn I make, I'll bump into something I've already done again. Especially with you. We can't seem to find another way to communicate. But if we did, what would we talk about? You're so shy and you're not willing to open up. As am I, but I will for you. You seem to be interested in me. But. There's just that one thing that's blocking me. HOW CAN YOU ASK A GIRL FROM ANOTHER SCHOOL TO OUR PROM...which is in a year!!! Like who does that?? That just totally turned off everything for me. Like no lie. It's all coming back to me because I've been through this way too many times. All my friends say I don't deserve to go through this and that you're not good enough. Honestly, I don't think they know me good enough to say that. But then those FEW* say that you and I are compatible. Like who should I listen to? Those who dislike him because they think he's a 'phony' or those who just went to school with him? I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. FUCK, I know I sound like a retard. I know what I should do, BUT I DON'T KNOW, like my heart is telling me NOT to. Listen to my mind or heart? Listen to what's right? or take a risk? Maan am I paranoid or what? lol I'm a bit too old for this. I feel like a child.

Given Up

Remember those times when you would just make me laugh by asking ALL of those questions? I regret thinking that you were annoying and that you were just trying to use me for homework and school purposes. Throughout most of the school year, I thought of you as just a guy from a class I had with last year. Nothing more! But now things have changed. You want me to hang around you, but when you don't want to--you completely shut me out. Like seriously; but hey! It's all good now. I won't have to WASTE MY TIME; blogging and thinking about you anymore huh?

I feel kind of bad because I've been so impatient and 'hormonal' lately. Pmsing basically. I"m just so irritated of like EVERYTHING cause like school and everything is stressing me out. Hopefully everyone understands.

Mother's day is today!! Happy Mu Qing Jie, Mommy! Thanks for putting up with all the BS I've given you for over the 16 years (:<3